oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
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