Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
