I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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