theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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