you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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