I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
