Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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