No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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