Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
