i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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