Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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