i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
