i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
