he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
