He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
