was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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