You smell like a Billy Joel song
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
