And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You've changed since you got that strap on
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
