i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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