I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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