Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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