please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
