every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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