I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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