I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
