It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
