We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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