The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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