all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Randomize
