No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
