so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
