guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
My breasts were aching with rage.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
