Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
