Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
