She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
