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What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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