I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
