Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize