Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I just pynch a tree in the face
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
