I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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