Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
