I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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