I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Michael Bay diarrhea
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I touched a dick in church today
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
