Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
