if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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