can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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