At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
