Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Shame - the story of my life.
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