Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
