how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
