If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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