omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
