I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
