I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
