I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
