She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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