the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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