Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
