things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
