aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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