i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
