He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize