dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
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