Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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