My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
