The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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