highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
