so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
