Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
