Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
