Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Randomize
